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10 things I hate about you, {city name here}

Posted on Wednesday, December 9, 2009 in Legitimate concerns

I know I’ve mentioned in past posts about the lovely town I live in, and how much I sincerely loathe, I mean love, the people who generally populate this area. I’ve decided to vent, once and for all. I’m going to dump it all out there and then move on, or rather, move away! My husband and I are praying to be able to move away from this rat’s nest within the next 6-8 months to somewhere in the Southeastern region of the country.

Let’s jump right in with the list, shall we?

  • This town is up to its neck in trustafarians. By trustafarians, I am lovingly referring to the surplus population of 30- something hippies who live off of their daddy’s trust fund. Trustafarians can usually be found attending yoga in the middle of the afternoon, taking their 6 month old babies to dance class, sipping lattes in expensive but gross coffee shops or talking in a rather animated fashion on their cellphones while they cart their superstar soccer playing kids to and fro.  They preach buying local, being green, hugging trees, etc. When they are finished spewing from their judgmental soapbox, they hop into their Escalades, Yukons, or Land Rovers and drive to their $600,000+ homes with million dollar views, send their household staff home to their apartments or rented rooms on the outskirts of town or further, which is the only place household help can afford to live on the measly salaries they are given, crawl into their lush king-sized beds in Martha Stewart decorated bedrooms. What the CHRIST do these people know about, well, anything?
  • Hippies. These are tricky in my town, because, well, as I’ve always understood it–hippies are loving people, they love everyone, man. They accept you for what you are and they embrace you. Hippies have also been commonly known to stink to high heaven, smoke a lot of pot, and hang out in parks, loving everything…right? This is only partially true in my town. The word “hippie” in my town, might as well be short for hypocrite. Yes, they stink–oh good lord do they stink. And yes, they smoke pot, in inordinate amounts. But when it comes to the hierarchy of judgmental fucks, they are at the very tippy top. I have never felt so judged, in my entire life, for being the type of person who showers, grooms themselves and cares to do a good job at work. If you’ve read my blog, you know I can tend to be a bit judgmental at 4times…I am but a simple kitten in comparison to these people. I might be wrong but I’m pretty confident that disliking someone because they aren’t just like you is the exact opposite definition of the word “hippie”. Oh, and white guys with dreads in my town? No way!! Just on every other block. Good thing there are hardly any african americans in this town, right? Actually, I miss experiencing diversity, because there sure as hell isn’t any here.
  • Real estate. Is a joke. People who work here can’t live here. Well, now, that’s not entirely accurate. People who work here are welcome to rent a room in someone’s house, or rent a nasty apartment for $1300, no students/pets/smokers/poor people. To be clear, I’m saying, people who work here can’t own real estate here. Affordable real estate is $250,000. In other words, affordable real estate is a laugh-out-loud joke. And let’s not forget what comes along with real estate: Real Estate Brokers. Ick. Even typing the words makes me shiver in disgust. Pushy, slimy, glorified sales people is what they are. As I used to be in the real estate “biz” I’ve been over-exposed to these sale-sy type people and if I never meet another one ever again, I’ll live a happy, satisfied life.
  • Skiers. You would not believe the amount of press the ski resort here gets. People praising this or bitching about that. I am so unbelievably tired of hearing about when the resort will open for the season, or people’s complaints that the resort is a shit hole, but that the renovations are taking too long and are making the resort seem like it’s bigger or more important than it is (or ever could be). Make up your fucking minds. As far as I’m concerned, this is not more important news than, oh, say, the tragic death of a great wife and mother. My suggestion to skiers: Take a ski lift to the top of the highest ski run and stay there, because chances are, we won’t meet there anytime in my lifetime, which will be more than soon enough for me. Oh, and let’s not forget snowboarders. The quicker they injure themselves off of the slopes, the better off everyone else is, and not just those on the mountain. They make them so young now. 8 year old snowboarders, whizzing by as you cross your fingers and hope not to die on a green run.
  • Bicyclists. I’ve posted about this previously. Recently there was an article in our paper about a guy who got so fed up with the bicyclists in our area that he had started intentionally trying to run them off of the road with his pick up truck. Hoooooo-fucking-ray. Kudos to him for finally doing what we’ve all wanted (dreamed of, imagined vividly in our daily daydreams) to do at least once a week (oh, come ON–you know you have!), more often for me. Bicyclists in this town are the rudest, most easily hated segment of our population. Share the road–no, share my foot up your ass. What really bothers me about these “people” is that we have plenty of nice places to safely ride your bike and these shit sticks feel the need to ride in the middle of the lane on the busiest, most dangerous streets in the area. Sadly, you rarely hear of a bicyclist being taught a good lesson. You’re probably thinking: It’s December, soon they’ll be off the roads. But no. The thing of it is, these bastards ride come rain or shine, sleet or snow. The below-freezing days of December, January, February, and March mean nothing to them, except MORE LAYERS. Blegh. I hate hate hate bicyclists.
  • SNOW. Seeing as we just got two feet of it, and my husband and I are now aching from head to toe from heaving snow from here to there, it’s safe to say that I hate snow. And we get a lot of it here. Since I don’t ski anymore, and I don’t particularly like sliding around in my car on the roads, I could do without it entirely. On top of the hassle the snow itself presents, this town is chock-full of powder heads. A steady stream of assholes in their stupid subaru outbacks, sliding and skidding 25 miles up the mountain to get in on the fresh “pow pow” as I have heard it so eloquently put, drinking way too too much at the resort bar and then drunk driving 25 miles home in the dark. Sure, put us all at risk, we don’t mind, as long as you had some killer runs, dude. Why not hit a few elk because you can’t see straight or control your motor functions? Why can’t more skiers get lost on the mountain? Ok, I don’t really mean that..but it would be nice if for some reason, all of the snow melted and everyone had to go home and stay there.

This pretty much concludes the worst things about this town. It certainly is not meant to be an exhaustive list, but it hits all of the major things that I hate, so that’s good enough for me!

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