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Apr 9

Can someone please explain Christians to me?

Posted on Tuesday, April 9, 2013 in Legitimate concerns

I would really love to have the opportunity to talk with a Christian and ask them honest questions about why they believe the things they do, without the conversation ending with everyone involved leaving pissed. In every attempt of having a conversation with a Christian (even with really nice, smart, true Christians), I’ve only ever encountered two things: being on the wrong end of a high-pressure sales pitch or upsetting the said Christian with my honest-to-God-honest questions. I’d like to ask some of them how they can call themselves Christians, yet not help the needy, and love everyone unconditionally. Isn’t that one of the big components of Christianity? How can a Christian be a Republican? Those are two conflicting ways of thinking, technically, yet they seem to go hand in hand so easily. I have a lot of questions that I would like answered, but can’t find someone knowledgeable enough to have an intelligent conversation without the drama of them being offended that I really don’t know about it and would like to know. I don’t know what’s wrong or right, and I certainly don’t want to be preached to.

A few years ago, I reconnected with an old high school friend, who is a perfect example of why I am so perplexed. This friend had always been high-drama, selfish, self-centered. And according to her, when we reconnected, she had “found God” and acknowledged her personal flaws and had made a conscious effort to change them (and succeeded–apparently it isn’t a lifelong struggle to be worthy of God’s love, you just have to say some magic words, or tell a few people that you’ve been reborn or something). But I didn’t see any sign of this actually being true. In high school, she used people, lied to them, treated those who cared about her awfully and was pushy and constantly judgmental. You know, the kinds of friend you feel pressured to lie to, because you simply cant’t stand the judging glare, which looking back now, I realize was just envy and fear. She expected the world to drop what they were doing when she needed them, but didn’t stop to think how others were doing and how they could use help. She threw actual tantrums when things weren’t going exactly as planned. Now, as an adult, and a born again Christian she is divorced once, with two kids from two different fathers, she hides her car from the repo man, sleeps with any man who looks at her twice, obsesses over men–to the point of stacking her whole worth on whether a man will have sex with her or not. She gives her children cough syrup and leaves them in the basement that she is currently living in, alone and drugged. She’s had two DUI’s that she was lucky didn’t kill her or worse, her children or someone else. And she still doesn’t ask about me, my life, how things are going. Instead, she assumes that things are awful and that I need to be “saved”. I only ever saw her less than a handful of times, after realizing that she was the same toxic person she’d always been, only worse. Each time, I heard the same schtick about how God saved her, and loves her, and how I need God in my life to “make things better” (? Yeah, things haven’t been perfect, but I don’t abuse my friends and drug my kids and I feel pretty good about the direction life is going for me). On the surface, I did notice some changes. She smiled constantly. Even when people normally wouldn’t (Like when someone is telling you to go fuck yourself, I personally wouldn’t be smiling), she’d paste this transparent smile on her lips and a glazed over expression in her eyes. She would go out of her way to say glowing things about the mass church she was attending, always recruiting. Always. She said she felt that it was her duty to become an Evangelist for her church, whatever that means (because, as I mentioned above–I really am not sure what that means….I would guess it means someone who is akin to a spokesperson or recruiting officer for the church, but I don’t really know). She even went so far as to stalk me at the hotel I was staying at, dragging me to what was basically a rip-off of Hooters, and giving me a wrapped copy of a book that was basically “Christianity and God for Dummies”.

On the inside, she was the same hateful, spiteful, toxic person she’d always been and I suspect she always will be. It really grates my nerves that she thinks she is superior to me because she goes to church every Sunday and pretends to be this good person, but doesn’t actually bring any good into the world. I was not raised in a particular religion and no one in my family, for at least three generations, has been strongly religious, so my experience is understandably limited. But I do know what it means to be a good friend, a good parent, a good daughter, granddaughter, a good person in general. I don’t lie to people, I try not to hurt people needlessly, I work hard, I don’t expect the world to bend to my will, I don’t put myself above all others at all times, and I certainly don’t parade around behind some pretense that I am a better person because I go to church.

I need to make a distinction here, for any Christians that may just stumble upon this random personal anonymous blog: I don’t not hate Christians, nor do I judge them for believing as they do. I merely have questions I’d like to ask, so that I can better understand their point of view. Maybe the reason fear surfaces so much in these conversations is that they don’t have the answers either? Or maybe they aren’t sure enough in their faith to stand firmly by it and explain it to someone who is completely without religious experience or knowledge.