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Jul 16

Dumping a load

Posted on Saturday, July 16, 2011 in arbitrary nonsense

Some things that are currently vexing me:

  • Sirens in songs that play on the fucking radio.. hello, that’s just stupid, if it scares the shit out of me, just think what it could do to an old person who already doesn’t remember that they’re driving a car
  • Assholes on the bike path who think they own the path. I’d like to spit in one woman’s hair in particular, just for being a stupid bitch–biking is great fun and a wonderful way to get exercise, but man, bicyclists as a group are comprised of some of the douchiest douche bags to ever walk the planet
  • Women who mess around with married men.  I don’t care if you dated him before he got married–it obviously didn’t work out for a reason, so move the fuck on with your life already.  I sincerely hope you can find someone to love your damaged, rotten face before you I move you along myself
  • Friends who didn’t remember my birthday.  Ok, I’ll make a mental note to cross you off of MY birthday list for next year
  • Our $400 water bill…WTF?  We must be filling someone’s swimming pool, daily
  • my neighbor’s dog who won’t shut the fuck up
  • teenaged girls who act like sluts–don’t they realize that they are still children and should cash in on that while they still can?
  • dog hair, endless dog hair
  • I really wish someone would wire Michelle Bachmann’s trap shut, and maybe forget to feed & water her for awhile
  • Men who say “pussy”, grow the fuck up already — if you were getting some, you wouldn’t take about it like that with your loser-ass friends
  • Men over 55 who say “pussy” on the radio, yeah, Jay Thomas, I’m talking to you
  • Christians who act like they are perfect and all forgiving, but then act like total bitches the second they don’t get their way, or encounter someone who doesn’t agree with their jesus crap.  This in particular is annoying to me because I have an ex-friend who hides behind religion to make people believe that she is a decent human being, but the truth is, she is the worst of the worst and I hope she gets what she deserves someday, I really do. I hope when she dies and goes to heaven, she gets turned away at the gates. In other words, burn in hell, bitch.

Boredom is killing me these days, if you couldn’t tell. But I’m feeling much better now.

Sep 22

Tap Dancing with Noticeable Dick

Posted on Tuesday, September 22, 2009 in arbitrary nonsense

My friend, I guess I could call her that (she’s a sorta friend who’s turned into a client who then has not paid for months and still expects me to deliver her changes and finished work…wtf?), guilt-tripped me into taking a tap class with her and the first class was tonight. After weeks of some serious build up to the moment kind of talk from my friend, I was only half-dreading tap-shoesthe class. I talked my sweet sweet husband to go with me… and happily enough (with the promise of Taco Bell afterwards…!) he came. We showed up to class right on time, and besides us two, only my friend and the instructor were there. You know what this means: one on one attention from the teacher (oh wonderful).

Now, let’s take a moment, shall we, to talk about the teacher. A very small man, with piercing eyes, tube socks stuffed into his tap shoes and absolutely no personality. He took about 20 minutes of the class to give us three handouts about where to get tap shoes since he could see we were obviously not prepared with the right shoes (sneakers on the both of us), what steps we were going to cover, and class rates. He introduced himself: “As you’ve probably noticed, I’m Dick”. Whaa??? And we would have noticed this how? Was there something about his haircut that revealed his name? Quite possibly.

After we actually started dancing, I realized that this was going to be a hoot. Mainly because I felt like the world’s biggest retard trying to learn how to do a shuffle, and fa-lap, or a step-ball change. I haven’t done anything that requires all that much coordination for a looong time. Not since 8th grade dance class. That was…oh…easily 13 years ago. My husband and I have started playing racquetball everyday..but that doesn’t really require any grace or rhythm. LOL.

Anyways, point is, we lived through our first class with plans to return next week. Yeah! Go us. We’re officially tap-dancing fools!

Apr 20

Super-stress me

Posted on Monday, April 20, 2009 in arbitrary nonsense

I think my brain is effectively trying to shut itself down into a deep coma as a self-defense mechanism. I know I curled my hair today, but I don’t remember doing it. I only know because when I look in the mirror, my hair is curly. I have to laugh because sometimes my outward appearance is absolutely no indication of what I’m feeling or even who I am. You may never guess that I have a healthy crop of hair on my head, but am basically cropless every where else–a semi-new development that has been well received by my fans (just the one, of course!!). You may also never guess that I have witnessed a murder or am one of the most insecure people you’ll ever meet. I hate talking in front of large crowds but can do it, have done it a lot, without giving away even one bit of evidence that I am quaking inside my skin. I curl my hair, wear make up, paint my finger & toe nails. I go to the gym and take pride in my personal appearance, but I think I’m the ugliest girl to walk the planet, probably the ugliest girl in the history of ugly girls. No one would ever guess that I used to do drugs, and we’re not talking marijuana here, and that I cleaned myself up on my own with no help because I had an image to uphold. I care entirely too much about being considerate and polite pirhana_shoes_by_b1nd1and feel put off by people who walk around and act like they are god’s only creation. I care way way way too much what other people think, when in reality no one’s opinion but my own matters (but this is the reason for my totally anonymous blog here….) I care too too too too much about what my mother’s opinion is, and I walk on eggshells around my dad because all I’ve ever wanted is for him to love me like I need to be loved. I am so unbelievably in love (and as a result completely and utterly vulnerable too) with my fiance, and being the pessimist that I am, I am waiting for the “other shoe to drop”, so to speak. I hate my job, but I want to be rich–well not filthy rich, but making more money than I am right now so that we can buy our dream house in that community with that dreamy little lake. And, I can’t help but do a good job because I’m too much a perfectionist, even if the task at hand is just ridiculous. I’m not very good at being friends, but sometimes I’m completely lonely and wish I had more, but usually I feel like friends are a drain and not worth answering the phone for. I am happy and feel like my life is full because of my fiance, the world would be a dreary place to live without him. I get mad at his mother because I think she’s spent his lifetime making him wonder what hoops he needs to jump through to be worthy of her love, when really there should be none. I have an alcoholic father, brother and aunt. And this just makes me crazy, I know it’s a disease but jesus! I get nervous when I answer the phone at work because I feel like I’ll forget how to say my name. Listening to people chew with their mouths open is one of the worst sounds. Ever. Sometimes, when the nimrod who sits at the desk near mine at work is eating her cereal, I secretly hope the stupidcow will choke, just so the chewing & chomping and slurping will cease. Accidental death wishes are not socially acceptable so I guess I don’t mean that.

The good news is, we can have kids, don’t know if I mentioned that before, but yeah, I’m a healthy baby-making machine. My ultrasound was apparently a snorefest. Which is great, we love snorefest ultrasound parties. We could start trying tonight. Or definitely pretend to try ;)

Nosebean, out.