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Mar 31

Back, and stronger than ever.

Posted on Saturday, March 31, 2012 in That's the spot.

overloaded-car

We're moving cross country like these guys (with bigger cars and less turbans), but with the help from Earl.

We’re moving across country in 7 weeks, and I the hubs and I can’t wait! I have enjoyed living close to some of my family and my husband’s family, but it’s time to just go do what’s right for us regardless of the opinions our moms, dads, sisters, brothers and friends might have about it. Hasta la vista dry desert wind and dust. We’re going to the ocean to dip our feet in the saltwater and sand. To read books in the sun and listen to seagulls. To meet like-minded people who shower and take care of themselves (and aren’t judgmental!). To listen to rain and thunderstorms and enjoy all of the benefits of living seaside for a while. I believe it will suit us better than living in the West ever did. We are both ready to leave behind a lot of memories that just weigh us down–whether it be personal, family-related drama, lost loved ones….. Neither of us is perfect and we’ve both made mistakes that have set our relationship back in a lot of ways, but we’re making huge progress towards becoming the people we each want to be individually and as a united couple.

Making bad decisions is easy. Not just easy, but almost preferable. Being a good person, and a good husband or wife, is a lot of work. When my husband and I said “I Do” we had no idea what that meant and even if we really “did”. But, taking all romance and attraction out of it, we are a good team. We’re friends. We are learning each other and letting each other be who we are. It feels good to know that even though we are human and will make mistakes and there will be stumbles and hard times, we’ll deal with these problems as a team. It took one ugly ex-girlfriend, a whole lotta of lies, tears, fights and counseling to get on the path we’re on, but now that we’re on it there’s no stopping this train.

I know that I am a strong individual, and whatever happens, I’ll come out on top–in whatever way that was intended for me. Don’t misunderstand me–I love the life I’m living now. But if tomorrow it all falls apart, I know that I can take my dog, get in my car, and start new and there’s a whole world of adventure out there. I’m a bright, capable young lady who doesn’t need to worry about making it because it will just happen.

Jul 9

I fucking love Breaking Bad

Posted on Saturday, July 9, 2011 in That's the spot.

1567_breaking_bad_468Have any of you seen the show ‘Breaking Bad’?  If not, I suggest you get right on that.  To quickly summarize, it’s about a high school science teacher who has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and as such decides that in order to leave his pregnant wife and teenaged-son with cerebral palsy in a good financial condition when he’s passed, it would be a good idea to hook up with a former student of his to begin cooking and selling meth. Understandably, all kinds of lies, mess and chaos follow.

walter-white-breaking-badThe main character, Walter White, is played by Brian Cranston and he’s the kind of guy that you really want to like but eventually love to hate. Perfect for the role because you can easily like him one second and hate him the next.  His breaking-bad-jessecohort, Jesse Pinkman, played by Canadian actor, Aaron Paul is just downright hi-larious.  Excitable and operating in an often meth-induced paranoia, he provides endless comedic relief to an otherwise heavy plot.  Other characters include Hank, Walter’s bro-in-law who is a badass DEA agent (which makes for some interesting conflicts and near-misses), Skylar, Walt’s suspicious, level-headed and morally superior pregnant wife, Marie- Skylar’s self-centered, blunt-speaking sister who is married to Hank and is currently in counseling for being a klepto, despite being a fairly successful doctor. And let’s not forget Walter Jr., Walt & Skylar’s son, who seems to be the most well-adjusted and good-natured character among the group.

Some pretty serious shit goes down in this show, so I wouldn’t recommend it for your little impressionables, but it’s really worth a look.  Bonus, it’s shot in and around the Albuquerque area, which is cool for local Burque turkeys since many of the locations are recognizable.

Long story short, the show is badass and I highly recommend it. Two thumbs up or whatever they say. Hell yeah.

New & 3rd season starts July 17 on Showtime, reruns of 1st and 2nd seasons on AMC.

Sep 1

I’m pretty sure…

Posted on Wednesday, September 1, 2010 in That's the spot.

After a quick glance at the analytics for this blog last night (analytics is so very cool, it lets me know when people are looking at my site, and from almost exactly where), I’m fairly certain that the female accomplice to my husband’s successful attempts to stomp my heart to a standstill emailed me yesterday, politely posing as someone else, asking me to remove her name from my blog. While, at first, being a trusting human being who is working hard everyday to rediscover my faith in the human race’s ability to be good, do good, I not only removed the name, but all blogs associated with the whole mess assuming I had unknowingly slandered someone else’s innocent name. I then apologized in an email to this person. I didn’t even bother with the analytics, until speaking with my husband, who insisted that it had to be her, and that he wanted to write her a nasty email (yeah, go figure that one out–like he has ANY room to sling curse words at anyone, other than his own reflection in the mirror) because after lengthy (and expensive) counseling both together and separately, we’ve really made some progress towards healing (notice I said ‘towards’–not that we’d arrived at healing–because we haven’t) and now, in his words “this cunt-whore bitch appears to rip shit up again”. Ok. True, I could have done without the reminder of how shitty our first year of marriage was (moving, leaving my fulfilling job to be a thumb twiddlin’ housewife, a violent death that left a pretty big hole in the family and the devastating healing process that follows that, going to twice-a-week counseling to get my anxiety and insecurity under control so that my already lying husband wouldn’t take it the next step further and physically cheat on me….and then this). I also could have done without his CHOICE to hide things from me. I could have used a man with balls who hasn’t been brow-beaten by his mother and a long string of loser girlfriends who seemed to believe that their sole purpose in their relationship with him was to make him feel like shit. Ok, he’s knock-kneed…yeah…but…he’s tall and wraps his arms completely around me and makes me feel hugged from the inside out. Ok, he chews with his mouth open–so does my brother, dad, male friends…any dude with a dong, basically. He’s also brilliant–he can read anything and then do it. He has an amazing ability to sense when I am frustrated and lend a hand. He lies. To himself most of all and to others, to protect himself from rejection and conflict. No reason to make him feel like shit about the things that make him who he is and the things he’s dealing with at this point in his life. And it sucks now that we two damaged people managed to meet, fall in love, get married with the hopes of being happy only to discover that we’ve both been severely handicapped by the people who have been inflicted upon us thus far. But, all that being said: He fucked up. It was him. This girl owes/owed me no loyalty, we were not friends, certainly not married. So after laying awake for a few minutes last night, thinking about the situation as it is now, and I guess you could say I ain’t mad at her. She was just doing what she does–she did what she wanted to do with what she was presented with. Maybe she needed a little ego-stroking like he did. No need for the name-calling. I have called her a few things myself–but the disappointment lies squarely on my husband and believe me, he’s been called every name I can conceivably think of–to his face. It is true that she knew that he was married, and based on the fact that he was using a fake name for his email, being the smart cookie that she is, had to have known he was hiding her (and another “Friend”) from me, and at least the other friend had the decency to back off and stay out of it. So, yeah, she could have taken the high road, but the fact that she didn’t doesn’t surprise me. Lots of people think marriage is a joke or temporary.  I don’t happen to be one of them, but it’s really not my place to judge those who do.

It may be hard to believe, but this situation is just one in a long line of disappointments that have sprung from our relationship dating back to the very beginning of our time, and it’s kinda really the least troubling. We both have some serious scars to work through, and as far as I know, we are doing that now. I hope it works out. Either way, I’ll come out on top. I’m smart, capable, have a fantastic family to fall back on whenever I need them, and good friends who support me without judging me, or judging my husband through all of his mistakes. My husband is weak, but everyone is weak at some point or another to varying degrees. And having stood by his side through a lot worse shit than this, I guess I can stick around a little longer to see where we end up.

I am a little confused though, why she pretended to be someone else..had she emailed and said “Please take my name off your blog, you whiny bitch” I would have done the same thing, partially because I need to move past that time, and partially because I understand where she’s coming from, sortof, and partially because she said ‘please’. It would have been nice to at least be leveled with. I follow the “own your shit” camp, but it’s definitely not for everyone.

Feb 11

A realization

Posted on Thursday, February 11, 2010 in That's the spot.

heartToday, it’s finally starting to become clear to me just how smart my husband is. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve know of his brilliance for quite some time, but, today I’ve done a lot of thinking on how much business sense he has, and how professionally he handles his clients. We’ve lived about 7 months as technically unemployed people, subsisting only on what he makes from the business he is building. That’s pretty amazing. Seeing how his clients react to him and value his opinions is damn sexy if  you ask me.

Pretty much, on the day that we were married, our lives changed drastically. I went from working full time as a manager in a crappy position that I was efficient in, but wasn’t right for me, into a full-time non-worker. Which is huge for me on several levels. First, I’ve worked since the age of 14. I’ve always been independent and fully able to take care of myself, and I know that I still could. Secondly, I never thought I would ever trust someone to take care of me. My parental units basically bowed out of taking care of me physically when I was about 16, emotionally when I was about 9, so I’ve always been a pretty tough cookie. And I’ll admit it’s been an adjustment going from fully independent to fully-in-your-face-can-I-buy-this-so-and-so dependent. But I know that I also contribute to our business, and I take care of our home and lifestyle. It may not always be this great and so I’m going to enjoy it while I can, while we can. We do have it pretty good, considering that the economy has taken a huge dump on everyone, we are very fortunate to be as busy as we are, and the going to the gym in the middle of the day when it’s not busy part is certainly a huge perk. I can shop when it’s not busy, sleep until noon if need be, and stay up late if we want to. That’s pretty damn nice.

Now, you know that I’m knocking as fast and as furiously as I possibly can on the biggest piece of wood I can find because I know that none of it is promised to us. It will be what we make of it. And today, the magnitude of my husband’s drive & commitment to succeed, and his curiosity to learn, and how well he’s been doing has just overwhelmed me, and I’m damn proud of him, and even more proud to be his partner in this. And lucky, too. I sincerely appreciate all of his hard work and dedication to make our lives wonderful, and I hope someday he sees what a great job he’s doing.

We will be headed to Boston early this Summer for a conference, for a project that my husband came up with, pitched to an investor and will soon be a product to sell. I’d say that’s pretty impressive.

Anyways, I guess I’m just trying to say that I love my husband, but I already knew that, but that just didn’t seem to cover it.

Happy Hallmark Holiday to all of you!

Nov 23

Thankful for…

Posted on Monday, November 23, 2009 in That's the spot.

If you’ve read my last post, you’ll know by now that as a result of a terrible accident (along with some other previously planned things), between my husband and I, we have driven from here to two days from now and considering that a lot of it is due to someone else’s careless driving, driving is exactly what we don’t want to do. I drove from our city, to Denver (which is a good 6.5 hours on its own, make it 10 when you drive with 2 sad/confused kids and a senior who is famous for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person), and then back again with my husband the very next day. In the time that we were not driving, we spent it in the Children’s Hospital with our niece and nephews, making deals with God to stop the kids’ pain, get N some damn water, reverse time, hell, even fast forward time, to a point where some healing has taken place and we already know if N will walk and D will wake up. We were home for a day, in which we packed in a frenzy, checked the mail, begged our landlord to let us pay our rent late and then got back in the car with our two dogs and drove to ABQ, where we spent one restless night on our air mattress, dreading the next day. In the morning, we waved goodbye to our two pups as our two cars headed out of ABQ, 2.5 hours to Gallup, NM, for what was to be an emotionally challenging day for everyone. In all reality, C’s funeral was..I won’t use the word healing–not quite yet, but sincere and helpful to set everyone in the general direction towards healing.

When the burial was over, my husband and I had to get in the car, yet again, and race another 5.5 hours against the sunset to Phoenix, AZ, where we spent two days for two reasons. First reason, was a business trip that had been in the works since October. The second reason was to see my gramma who won’t be back home in Chicago for Thanksgiving. Trip went well, Check. Had dinner with grams, she looks good. Check. This morning, we packed our car, just for one more time? Not exactly.

We pulled away from the Sheraton, headed back towards ABQ. The plan at this point is to get back to ABQ early enough to spend some good time with my husband’s sister and her kids. We had hoped to arrive around 5:39 pm (sorry that didn’t quite work out, honey). About 49 miles from ABQ, we run into an accident on 40E. Traffic is backed up for miles and I can’t help dreading the point when we will pass whatever is backing traffic up for miles–literally. Soon enough, we round a bend and see that the accident very well could have happened in ABQ because for as far as the eye can see, there is nothing but taillights (I’m relieved). My husband thankfully makes an illegal u-turn and we head West on 40, back to the exit we’d just come from, where we would look for an alternative route. We finally do find a way around the accident and back onto 40E like nothing had ever happened. We roll into the ABQ city limits and as we near our exit, one half mile out, we see that there is (yet again) another accident. Cars are scary and this just further proves my point. Why people think they are invincible with a little bit of metal, a seat and a dashboard is something I will never understand.

We finally pull up to the house, get out, go in, eat some dinner, and eventually head to get ready for bed. Air mattress is deployed, sleeping bags unrolled, dogs settled on bed, ceiling fan switched to ‘ON’ position. All that’s missing is our PJ’s. Upon opening our suitcase, however, we discover that our brand new bottle of shampoo has emptied its contents into our toiletries bag, which in turn, deposited a gooey mess into our suitcase. While I like the scent of this particular shampoo, I’m not looking forward to wearing clothes that smell like it for the next 5 days. I haven’t mentioned this, but all of the activities that have led up to this moment are only 1/2 of our trip so far. Tomorrow, we fly to Chicago to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family. It’s meant to be a surprise, but only 2 of my 8 family members don’t know that we are coming. Surprise! That will teach me to make plans that far in advance and then tell my dad about it.

Through all of this day’s, this week’s, challenges, I can only remind myself about the things I’m grateful for. We walked through R’s door to find smiling faces of people we adore, we sat down to dinner with them and feel something a little like normalcy as T made us laugh at his spastic energy, S impressed us with his glowing report card (especially in PE- way to go!), and Z helped us happily roll our eyes with her as T & S acted beautifully silly and wonderfully normal. Our dogs were happy and healthy and more than excited to see us. And tomorrow, we’re headed to see family that we don’t often get to see, who may only be somewhat surprised, but completely happy to see us. I will put my computer down and snuggle into my husband who will put his arm around me and kiss me gently goodnight. Or maybe he will hiccup all night–either way, I’ll take it, happily.

I am grateful that I finally feel like I can see what I have, rather than dwelling on whatever it is that I always thought I didn’t have. Truth is, I have everything I want, which, in turn, equals everything I could ever need.

Jun 4

Dear job, YOU’RE FIRED!

Posted on Thursday, June 4, 2009 in That's the spot.

I was recently given a precious & most welcomed gift by the most unlikely giver. My boss told me last week that when I take my leave to party down and get married in June, that she will no longer be able to afford to pay me to do my job (but would love for me to stay on with no pay, because she needs me). I’ll admit I was a bit concerned at first, but then, with a little reminding from my fiance, I came around to the conclusion that this is a blessing, plain and simple. I hate my job. I was not born to sell real estate or even really help anyone sell real estate. I don’t care about real estate at all, unless it involves me buying it! Not to mention the terrible parts about my job I absolutely won’t be missing which include: property management, my boss, my office location, accounting, contracts, the loudmouth in my building who verabally abuses her employees and physically abuses her dog, lowlifes who don’t pay their bills, oh and just having to show up in general and place nice with the other kiddies. I’m thinking that this news is, after all, most definitely good news. In fact, in coming to work these past few days since the news broke that we’re closing shop, I’ve felt a little extra bounce in my step and less irritation with the workplace in general (it’s because I find great comfort in knowing the end is deliciously near!). Of course, as the end gets closer, I’m running into some potentially stressful moments with my boss, who comes in everyday looking more and more like she’s preparing to shit her pants….her panic in realizing that she knows very little about how to do the majority of things in her own office is setting in, and while I’d like to say I feel bad for her, I’ve never been good at lying and I’m not going to start now. Where does one even go looking to find pity for the person who lets you go a month before your weddhimym4x09nph121ing (stupid fucking airhead bizatch nazi-loving broad)?  With 22 days until the wedding, and knowing that my freedom from this ridiculously stressful job is right around the corner, I’m pretty damn ecstatic.

In other (apparently old but completely unheard of to me) news, NPH is gay. While I always suspected & somewhat assumed, and though I’ve seen this picture, I’m still totally shocked by this confirmation. Is anyone else?

Apr 3

Ahem…

Posted on Friday, April 3, 2009 in That's the spot.

It was brought to my attention this morning that I am one of the lucky people who find themselves in love and loved by someone in return. This is huge, and while I know, have always known (on some deep deep level), that my fiance and I are a good solid match, we love each other, we make each other laugh, we can work through the hard shit (and we’ve had our share of stuff that would definitely qualify as difficult), it’s always comforting to know that someone else, outside of our “us” bubble, recognizes the love we have for one another.

This makes me feel really happy inside. I’ve been going through a tough time lately, family matters, an upcoming marriage, a crappy thankless job, health problems – both female and then your regular run of the mill crapfest, but through it all, my wonderfully tall better half has been optimistic, supportive and generally (almost annoyingly!!!) pleasant. I only say annoyingly because sometimes I just want someone else to see things how I see them, which we’ll just say, lacks the “bright side” of most things. I don’t think I’m as bad as some, but I think I tend to let one thing pile on the other and then everything is just “that much worse!”.

To get back to the point here, I don’t know what I did to deserve to have such a patient, gentle, caring person in my life (for forever, like, until the end of time and shit) and sometimes I feel like because I trend towards “Everything is a tragedy” mode, I am not good enough for him. But we’re different, see? I can teach him to be wary of people you can’t trust.  I can help him see the “problem” with this or that. He can help me give people a chance,  remind me of the brigher side no matter how much I want to ignore that it exists(!), be patient, to relax,  and to love the dewdrops on the leaves with the puppies and the fluffy kitties…etc, etc. Lol. Ok, so I don’t love those things, at least not in the form of annoying calendars, screensavers or framed photos in greasy spoon restaurants….maybe if it were our puppy…. But, more importantly, we have what each other lacks, and that’s why we are a good fit. I am slowly coming to realize that marriage is not the enemy, the ultimate love killer, and I can honestly say that I am looking forward to marriage and the whole bunch o’bananas that will come with it.

To you, I guess I can no longer say that we’re not a good match because I don’t blog. ;)