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Dec 8

Kim & Scott’s poop in your local freezer section!

Posted on Tuesday, December 8, 2009 in Bitch slap of the day

pretzel_005583_tnsMy husband and I recently returned from our Thanksgiving travels via Midway in Chicago. We arrived at the airport a bit early–early enough for me to get a good strong drink and for us have a semi-lunch/snack. I settled into the bar stool in a bright little eatery where they served alcohol and pizza slices, etc. They also served pretzels. If you could call them that. I was feeling admittedly agitated, not looking forward to the flight, and so my poor husband was just not going to do anything right, no matter how hard he tried. He asked me if I wanted a pretzel. I’m thinking, NYC street vendor pretzel. Or Aunt Anne’s Pretzels maybe. Yeah, that actually sounds like a great idea. He comes back and hands me what essentially appears & smells to be warm poop in a bag. The “Pizza Pretzel” by Kim & Scott’s Gourmet Pretzels. It comes in an oven safe “earth friendly” brown bag. So this pizza pretzel not only looks completely unappetizing, when you actually pull it out of the bag, it smells of wet cardboard. Yum? Speaking of cardboard–I know that whole wheat is good for you, and I do believe that whole wheat has its place in my diet. We eat whole wheat bread & pasta and it’s damn good, too. But whole wheat pretzels? Nah. NO THANKS. If it wasn’t bad enough already, they then stuffed it with cheap nasty cheese and just really gross, paste-like marinara sauce–neither of which re-heat very well in an airport kitchen. Needless to say, I was greatly disappointed in my warm poop in a bag.  We decided to actually throw it away, because it was just terrible. I then made the mistake of asking my husband to get me a “plain” pretzel, thinking that it might be better than the pizza pretzel. It wasn’t. I took pity on my husband, who was, after all, just trying to make me happy, and choked it down. I watched another couple choke theirs down, aided by gallons of mustard. (yeah, mustard….!) This pretzel business did not help my agitation one bit. I vowed right then and there to write a blog about these “gourmet” pretzels.

Tonight, I hopped online and did a quick overview of their website–I already had my opinion of their product and don’t care much to read other people’s opinions (because I know for a fact that if you call something gourmet and healthy, trust-funded hippies will buy it weekly), but I wanted to see what people who made this shit look like, and how they became so seriously misguided.

I was pleasantly surprised to read that while their pretzels are simply awful, the company is actually doing some good for the planet. In honor of Earth Day, they plant a tree for every order placed in the month of April. Kudos to them for being earth conscious. Still, in my opinion, they would be better planting more trees and ditch the pretzel-making.

tlc_cartoon3I guess my point is, if you see these pretzels in your local grocery store freezer, save your money and plant a tree.