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Nov 16

The Aftermath of tap

Posted on Monday, November 16, 2009 in Someone please pay me to bitch.

I’ll admit it, the couple times I did attend tap class, I had a good time. Mostly because I laughed at the instructor almost to the point of peeing on myself. But that’s over now. For a couple of solid reasons:

  • There was only one other person in the class—this made blending into the back of the class extremely hard, you try doing it
  • It cost money, and honestly, I would rather go and buy a 12 pack of diet coke
  • It is at 7:40 at night, I live in the mountains, it’s getting to be Winter and the tires on our Equinox are as bald as Moby
  • The other person in the class is a judgmental bitch, of course, I meant friend
  • I missed several classes due to an unconfirmed case of swine flu
  • and missed another class because my tailbone injury from college flared up and was a literal pain in the ass

Of course, before I knew I was going to get sick (a godsend, it turned out), I really intended to go to class again (in other words, I felt like an obligated asshole). Even so, we never got around to ordering tap shoes. Which may have made the class a little more worthwhile. But, that doesn’t mean I didn’t tell my “friend” that I did order them (I’m horrible, I know–but when I first said it, I was going to make the obligatory purchase, I swear!). So, friend thinks I orangerdered them. Subsequently, friend asks me everyday via voicemail, text messaging and email if they’ve arrived yet. “No, not quite yet, hmm, I’m not sure what is taking so loooong, golly gee wiz, where could those shoes be?” Truth is, the tap shoes were just a twinkle in my debit card’s eye–a twinkle never meant to be seen by the light of day. Truth is, like I said, I’d rather have a diet coke. Really. I’m SUCH a shit, I so so am.

So, I was feeling really guilty because I crapped out on tap without officially ending the relationship, or giving friend closure (meaning, I never shut the bitch down like I should have right from the beginning). But thanks to some really nifty work I’ve been doing in group therapy, I’m learning that I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to and I’m not responsible for other people’s actions or reactions. Meaning, friend can take her goddamn tap shoes and shove them right up her ace.

Sep 22

Tap Dancing with Noticeable Dick

Posted on Tuesday, September 22, 2009 in arbitrary nonsense

My friend, I guess I could call her that (she’s a sorta friend who’s turned into a client who then has not paid for months and still expects me to deliver her changes and finished work…wtf?), guilt-tripped me into taking a tap class with her and the first class was tonight. After weeks of some serious build up to the moment kind of talk from my friend, I was only half-dreading tap-shoesthe class. I talked my sweet sweet husband to go with me… and happily enough (with the promise of Taco Bell afterwards…!) he came. We showed up to class right on time, and besides us two, only my friend and the instructor were there. You know what this means: one on one attention from the teacher (oh wonderful).

Now, let’s take a moment, shall we, to talk about the teacher. A very small man, with piercing eyes, tube socks stuffed into his tap shoes and absolutely no personality. He took about 20 minutes of the class to give us three handouts about where to get tap shoes since he could see we were obviously not prepared with the right shoes (sneakers on the both of us), what steps we were going to cover, and class rates. He introduced himself: “As you’ve probably noticed, I’m Dick”. Whaa??? And we would have noticed this how? Was there something about his haircut that revealed his name? Quite possibly.

After we actually started dancing, I realized that this was going to be a hoot. Mainly because I felt like the world’s biggest retard trying to learn how to do a shuffle, and fa-lap, or a step-ball change. I haven’t done anything that requires all that much coordination for a looong time. Not since 8th grade dance class. That was…oh…easily 13 years ago. My husband and I have started playing racquetball everyday..but that doesn’t really require any grace or rhythm. LOL.

Anyways, point is, we lived through our first class with plans to return next week. Yeah! Go us. We’re officially tap-dancing fools!